In 2013, under the trees at the Sacred Heart-retreat house of Jesuits, Novaliches, Quezon City, we sat and mourned. We were speechless. We couldn’t imagine that that day would be the last day of our beloved brother, Marthin Mbende lives with us. The way he said “goodbye” was unexpected. He was drowned in a swimming pool and died suddenly. He even didn’t give any sign to each one of us. And there under the trees and in the moment of silence, we ask why? Why Lord? But we never understand why?

Carlo Carreto describes our feeling of sadness beautifully, “when you are suffering, in flesh or in spirit, the natural response is to weep. And what a lot of weeping there is! If we could gather it all in one place it would fill a sea, a great ocean. And when our eyes are dry for an instant, we ask why? The answer does not come easily. And again we begin to weep and our thoughts become all tangled and even more sorrowful, and we stumble about like wounded birds. Then we start again asking: why?  Why?”

In today’s gospel Jesus said to his disciples, ‘I am going away, and I am coming to you.’ If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father. What is interesting here is that Jesus promises his disciples that he will return and that the disciples must rejoice of his departure. “Sounds like what we experience at a funeral. We are truly glad that our beloved no longer has the pains and shortages of this life. But what about us? We who are left behind do not get our burden lifted, we get more added to it. We are lonely for the one who has gone away.”

Perhaps the disciples remain speechless when Jesus said goodbye to them just like our experience in life when our beloved died. Indeed, we never fully understand some experiences in lives and God understands us. And it takes time to see light in the midst of darkness. But that light is given to us by the Light, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit that Jesus promise will enlighten us as we continue God’s mission in the world. Jesus consoles his disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled…the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.” 

“If you and I say yes to the Holy Spirit, we will know Jesus just as sheep knew the voice of their shepherd. In knowing him we will know the Father. We find Jesus in the Mass, in the Great Sacrament, in the people around us. We will be side by side with the closest presence of the God of love that is possible.”