You may have a friend, or maybe many friends. Everywhere. Then you may choose your best friends, or may be one best friend. You are lucky, yet let this question be in your mind: is that person really your best friend?
I had a best friend who passed away a few months ago. I call him my “sahabat” (not just a “friend,” and I cannot find the equivalent word in English) because we shared so much: joys and sorrows, life experiences, advice and criticism, even prayers and hopes. We knew each other since high school, and eventually we finished school with a noble goal: he wanted to become a pastor, and I wanted to become a priest. One goal: to serve God. As time went by, he was ordained as a pastor, while I was still studying theology. He continued to encourage me, saying, “I will keep praying for you, and don't forget to invite me to your ordination!” That was the last prayer I received from him before he went to be with the Father in heaven.
This experience was very simple yet meaningful. A “sahabat” (more than just an ordinary friend) is a manifestation of God's goodness present in human beings. He is not just there for you but walks with you in any situation.
Do you have a “best friend”?
Let's reflect together through the lens of Aristotle, a philosopher. According to Aristotle, friendship (Greek: philia) is an absolute necessity for achieving eudaimonia (human flourishing or true happiness), not just a pleasant addition to life. Aristotle argues that true friendship requires mutual, recognized goodwill (for example, both people must wish well for each other, and both must be aware of it). However, the reason they wish each other well dictates the type of friendship they have. He offers three types of friendship: the friendship of utility (based on mutual benefit, focusing on the advantages they search for); the friendship of pleasure (rooted in the shared enjoyment the individuals bring to one another); and the friendship of good (the highest and most perfect form of friendship). In those three types of friendship, the first two types (Utility and Pleasure), you love what the person provides for you. In the third type (Virtue), you love the person for who they are in themselves.
Is it Possible?
Returning to the original question, is it possible for me to have a true friend? According to Aristotle, it is possible, but it is exceptionally difficult and inherently rare. He gives some reasons: first, both persons must do the hard work of developing strong moral character, emotional maturity, and a genuine desire for the good. Second, even if two people have a strong mutual desire for friendship, they are not truly friends until they have weathered enough time and shared experiences to prove their character to one another. Third, it is impossible to have this kind of friendship with many people due to our human limitations.
The answer is clear: possible yet difficult and inherently rare. But, people may say, “Why not? Let us try!” Through my experience above, there are reflections that can be taken, and hopefully they can help you find true friends. First, love yourself before loving others. Second, be open to giving rather than receiving. Third, sacrifice for the common good. Enjoy your best moments with friends, accept them as they are, forgive their mistakes, and grow in maturity. More than that, love yourself first!
