“A spirit of living faith which enables us to see God, seek God, love God in all things, intensifying our desire to spread his kingdom everywhere…” (LT 10)
During the lockdown, when the community - for practical reasons - was still divided into two groups, particularly during the Enforced Community Quarantine, both groups had the possibility to experience and share how “a spirit of intense love for our religious family” was also the result of the effort, the poor contribution of each member: to remain longer at the table and talk to each other as an expression of benevolence, respect and listening, and share about topics sometimes serious and sometimes funny. During table talks, even some formative and missionary intuitions came out on how to face creatively the challenges posed by COVID 19. Or the possibility, after having overcome initial forms of embarrassment, of sharing - sitting on after a meal - the experience of the Holy Trinity (sic!) in our personal and daily life or about our personal desires.
The “sacred” daily effort to make the other closer, to take care of him, that is to give him our presence, to look at our brothers and understand their needs, to dedicate time - in many ways - to our companions as the truest way to love, to “visit” and “greet” from distance those in isolation; to serve and place the dishes or a cup of coffee on the little table outside the door of the brothers in quarantine; to wash their clothes; to provide masks, sanitizer, and other necessities for the community; to wait patiently in line because of the restrictions on the number of items to purchase; to take a turn in preparing lunch and dinner for the community, even when many of us felt unprepared; the patience to gather together and discern the best way to answer and cope with unpredictable and in constant motion challenges posed by the pandemic. We realized, for example, during moments of community discernment that many answers made sense (for example, those who stressed the value of solidarity and those who underlined the value of protecting the lives of other people by staying at home), and yet the final decision was always to walk together for the good of others; the daily circulation of good news about our companions, but also about other communities in other countries (we got and shared more information about names and situations of our confreres and communities during this period of lockdown than ever. We also had more than 20 faces of our deceased Xaverian brothers accompanying us in our liturgical celebrations: their lives were a reminder of confreres “formed and shaped by the spirit of the Gospel”[1]); the sense and spirit of solidarity, joy, and fraternity in packing rice – with many precautions - for those who were less fortunate; moments of personal prayer, a liturgy “embracing all humanity” (LT 1); the discovery of unknown and surprising talents of our companions… We experienced that there was no need to feel important, but rather to serve. We felt in our hearts the importance to cultivate the gift of faith, confidence, joy with, and for our companions.
During this trial period, we also experienced that we are not the best, that we have many limitations, we are sinners, because we can react in an unconstructive way, and therefore the temptation to live the recommendation “stay at home”, “stay inside” in an individualistic way.
Love is manifested as compassion, that is literally “suffering together”. On this regard, there is a beautiful narration in the Hasidic Hebrew Tradition:
One evening, two friends were in a pub. To drink beer made them happier than ever and therefore, much truer, in the sense that it was easier for their heart to tell the truth. One of them asked the other: “Do you love me?” For 3 times, he received the same positive answer. Then, in the end, he asked: Do you know what makes me suffer? No, the friend answered. Then the other one replied: If you do not know what makes me suffer, how can you say that you love me? With the experience of staying at home, we might be able, today, to answer a little better the above question: the blessed capacity to take care of each other. We all experienced the importance to be asked, to be told, to be fraternally corrected, to be encouraged, or to find the best and sincere way to help someone in a moment of tension.
Every day we felt the need to find the time to reflect at a personal level, to discern interiorly the experiences we lived with our companions (our reactions, our silence, our answers, our jokes, our initiatives, our courage to approach our brothers, our constructive contribution in a moment of pressure), asking the Lord for his light and wisdom to discover what really dwelt in our heart.
There are several lessons we learned from the experience of COVID 19 in this period and each of us got his lesson.
I would like to stress 2 lessons here:
- Not to be afraid of discovering the enigmatic and uncharted side of ourselves, our limitations, defects, and weaknesses on the emotional, affective, moral, and psychological level. All this, together with our richness and gifts is part of the human legacy we received. It is not because of COVID 19, but because they accompany us, they are in us. Weaknesses, enigmas, wounds dwelling in our hearts are not necessarily obstacles for a joyful and fraternal existence. Over the days (and years), with a sincere and authentic heart, these wounds reveal themselves as a great richness, unimaginable opportunities to change, to convert, to grow in relationship with our companions and with the Lord.
- We cannot make the consideration or the idea we have of ourselves, the perception of our personal needs as the reason or the center of our daily life or actions, but rather to live our daily experiences in the name of gratuitousness, that is to give space to a profound desire to carry out, to fulfill a commitment, an activity, a service or to cultivate a relationship in simplicity, and to do it only because it is true, it is good, it is beautiful, it is worthy, only because I believe that it is a precious value and not because of me or my personal needs.
It is only through gratuitousness – experienced/received and offered - we can recognize our life worthwhile, valuable, meaningful, within our limitations, defects, and incapacities.
In the Gospel, the most suitable people to live gratuitousness, are the “poor” (in the broader meaning) that is those people who are apparently incapable, wounded, with limitations, defects, and shortcomings.
Many times, we are talking about diet to control cholesterol, fat, etc. which is necessary. However, the Coronavirus made us experience a very good diet for our soul: 1) a cup of science; 2) a barrel/container of prudence; 3) and an ocean of patience.
A cup of science. Science is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It is the capacity to learn, to know, and understand more and more about the reality that is in us and “surrounds” us.
A barrel/container of prudence. Prudence is the cardinal virtue that helps discern in every circumstance/moment the true good by choosing the most suitable means to fulfill it, especially in our relationship with our brothers, the prudence of the right moment to say or to do something; the prudence to say what we know, rather than to know what we say.
An ocean of patience. Patience is the “sister” of wisdom because patience helps us distinguish between what is possible and impossible in a particular moment; patience knows to overcome an emotional reaction and knowing that it does not resolve anything, on the contrary sometimes gets things worse; patience because it knows the fragility and limitations of our thinking and acting, and that we all need to grow. The capacity to start, again and again, to integrate what is new and unpredictable in our personal journey, the freedom not to react with jealousy or envy toward the gifts, skills, or talents of our brothers, or with resentment toward what we received and we felt underserved.
Since we are sinners, we can ask ourselves whether this experience of Corona Virus will continue to help us keep every day in our heart a kind of restlessness/concern to search, to listen, to improve, to change, to become more open, to accept to be helped and corrected, to take the initiative to approach someone.
If we always keep a kind of tension in our heart, where we remain constantly open with a transparent heart, where we do not shut ourselves off from communion with our companions, when we are happy if a companion can do what we cannot do, or do it better, a heart that feels every day the need to walk in the presence of God, then restlessness can give peace and strength to our heart.
It is important to take charge/responsibility and recognize our desires, to nurture, to cultivate, to purify them, and to offer them to the Lord. Not to be afraid of our desires is an expression of maturity. Saint Ignatius of Loyola was able (formed and patiently trained), to recognize in his life desires of vanity and honors, desires for a woman, but then he was able to recognize and cultivate the desires for “difficult and great tasks” in the relationship with the Lord. He defined himself as “embebido”, that is a Spanish word to say “imbued” with desires, because God himself is a Deus desiderans.
I would like to conclude with a prayer which accompanied me every day during this period of “stay at home”.
Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;
rather look to them with full hope as they arise.
God, whose very own you are,
will deliver you from out of them.
He has kept you until now,
and He will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand it,
God will cover you in his arms.
Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;
the same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will take care of you then and every day.
He will either shield you from suffering,
or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace,
and put aside all anxious thoughts and imagination.
(Saint Francis of Sales)
Saint Francis Xavier Parish,
July 18, 2020
Luigino Marchioron sx
[1] Cfr. Parma, ISME - 24 febbraio 1921. Appunti autografi di Guido Maria Conforti sui consigli evangelici. Ermanno Ferro a cura di, Pagine Confortiane, pag.431.