The Joy of Love. Pope Francis' Apostolic exhortation on family invites us to look at the Christian family as a place where joy, love, and care become the core values. This Apostolic Exhortation becomes more relevant in this time when families are facing some challenges and crises. I would like to deepen and take away three important key points from this document; The Experiences and Challenges of Families; The Joy of Love; And Accompanying, Discerning and Integrating Weakness. These three points (three chapters of Amoris Laetitia) offer great insights and inspirations, especially in my ministry as a priest journeying together with Christian families in the parish.
1. THE EXPERIENCES AND CHALLENGES OF FAMILIES
1.1. JOURNEYING WITH CHRISTIAN FAMILIES IN THE PARISH
"Who am I to judge?" [1] This was the answer of Pope Francis when he was asked by a journalist regarding the gay and their place in the Church. I think that there is wisdom in this statement, especially when we talk about Christian families. This is an invitation for the Church not to rush judgment but to listen more in dealing with the faithful. Thus, knowing the reality of families with their complexity is needed in our pastoral ministry.
Working in the parish is an opportunity to meet and walk together with Christian families. Journeying together with the families is both a grace and challenge in doing pastoral ministry in the parish. It is in the parish that we encounter many faces of Christian families. Some Christian families keep their faith alive, participating actively in the community. Some families face some difficulties in keeping the family together—other families live in brokenness because of separation and crisis in their journey.
Personally, as a priest, I have been journeying with some families who experience a sorrowful journey. I remember the times when I accompanied my parishioners visiting their families in Prison in Marikina City. Most of them were drug pushers from very low-income families in our parish. It was a terrible experience witnessing these families facing such situations.
Amid these sad situations in the families, we also witness the joy that the Christian families bring to the community. It has been a joy for me to follow some Family Movements in the parish that actively keep, promote, and spread the joy of family life. I witness the desire to strengthen families in the faith. I see the beauty of Christian Families when they come together in the Eucharistic celebration every Sunday. Indeed, seeing these families rooted in faith strengthens my vocation as a religious and priest.
1.2. AMORIS LAETITIA ROOTED IN REALITY
In Chapter II of Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis describes the experiences and challenges of Christian families today. The problems of migration, the ideology of gender, anti-birth mentality, and the impact of biotechnology in the field of procreation are significant challenges the family faces. The problems of pornography, abuse of minors, the crisis in faith, violence against women also take place up to now. These are the concrete realities that affect the lives of families.
In the midst of such situations, the Church needs to pay attention in dealing with the families. Thus, citing Familiaris Consortio, Pope Francis states that "we do well to focus on concrete realities, since 'the call and the demands of the Spirit resound in the events of history, and through these 'the Church can also be guided to a more profound understanding of the inexhaustible mystery of marriage and the family" (AL. 31).
Moreover, these realities also call for a formation of conscience where there is room for a dynamic encounter between doctrinal and grace as he writes, "We have been called to form consciences, not to replace them." Jesus proposed a demanding ideal but "never failed to show compassion and closeness to the frailty of individuals like the Samaritan woman or the woman caught in adultery" (AL. 37-38). In addition, Pope Francis describes the reality of families today by restating the message of the Bishop Synods on family writes "there is no stereotype of the ideal family, but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys, hopes and problems" (AL. 57).
As we can see from the descriptions of Pope Francis, the situations of families today are very complex. The experiences and challenges of families today call the Church to be rooted in reality and to walk together, embrace their joys and sorrows. Thus, the invitation of Pope Francis to apply mercy and compassion becomes essential in our pastoral ministry with the families.
2. THE JOY OF LOVE
"The Joy of Love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church" (AL. 1). This opening sentence of Amoris Laetitia reveals to us the great gift coming from the families, which is the joy of love. It is always an experience of joy when we journey with Christian families in the Church. Through them, we see the beauty of love, sacrifice, patience, perseverance, hope, generosity, and so forth.
I vividly remember my encounter with a poor lady in 2016 in our parish. She used to sell vegetables in our parish. She walked along the street, selling vegetables and sometimes fruits from house to house. I never asked about her family. What I know about her, aside from selling vegetables, is that she is a faithful catholic, attending Sunday Mass regularly. One day, to my great surprise, she asked me to bless two condominiums of her daughters in Makati. She told me that two of her daughters work in Singapore and one in Taiwan. All of them are successful. During this pandemic, this family helped their neighbors. Her three daughters abroad also contribute a lot to the Community Pantry organized by our parish.
2.1. THE CONJUGAL LOVE
Pope Francis underlines that the chapter Fourth and Five of the Amoris Laetitia is the document's core. In fact, the Holy Father writes, "We cannot encourage a path of fidelity and mutual self-giving without encouraging the growth, strengthening, and deepening of conjugal and family love. Indeed, the grace of the sacrament of marriage is intended before all else 'to perfect the couple's love" (AL.89).
Pope Francis meditates love on marriage based on St. Paul's hymn in Corinthians 13:Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (1Cor. 13:4-7). Meditating upon this text, the Holy Father offers us the meaning of Christian love. This is love that we need to cultivate and strengthen in the family.
After describing and reflecting on the hymn of St. Paul on love, Pope Francis describes the essential part in marriage, which is conjugal love. This love becomes a visible sign of God's own love: "When a man and a woman celebrate the sacrament of marriage, God is, as it were, 'mirrored' in them; he impresses in them his own features and the indelible character of his love. Marriage is the icon of God's love for us… And this is precisely the mystery of marriage: God makes of the two spouses one single existence" (AL.121).
Moreover, Pope Francis also underlines the erotic dimension of love by citing the teaching of St. John Paul II on Theology of the Body, "sexual differentiation not only is a source of fruitfulness and procreation but also possesses the capacity of expressing love; that love in which the human person becomes a gift" (AL.151). That is why the erotic dimension of love "must be seen as gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses" (AL. 152).
However, conjugal love must be renewed and transformed. Pope Francis describes it as the transformation of love in which he states, "The satisfaction is part of the affection proper to conjugal love. There is no guarantee that we will feel the same way throughout life. Yet if a couple can come up with a shared and lasting life project, they can love one another and live as one until death do them part, enjoying an enriching intimacy" (AL. 163).
Pope Francis invites families to center their families in love and joy. It is about making others to growth in love. Thus, it is important that each one in the family support one another, to gaze with love so that each one will become oneself. Likewise, conjugal love is an expression of self-giving where couples receive one another as a gift of God.
2.2. PROCREATION: LOVE MADE FRUITFUL
Conjugal love is always open to new life. Conjugal love does not end with the couple, but it opens to the coming of offspring as a permanent sign of their conjugal unity. Thus "the family is setting in which a new life is not only born but also welcome as a gift of God" (AL. 166). It is in the family that the children receive and experience love. "Children, once born, begin to receive, along with nourishment and care, the spiritual gift of knowing with certainty that they are loved. This love is shown to them through the gift of their personal name, the sharing of language, looks of love, and the brightness of a smile" (AL.172)
Moreover, the mutual responsibility of a father and mother is needed in fostering the growth of the children. Pope Francis put it rightly, "A mother who watches over her child with tenderness and compassion helps him or her to grow in confidence and to experience that the world is a good and welcoming place. This helps the child to grow in self-esteem and, in turn, to develop a capacity for intimacy and empathy. A father, for his part, helps the child to perceive the limits of life, to be open to the challenges of the wider world, and to see the need for hard work and strenuous effort" (AL. 175).
Another essential point that Pope Francis emphasized regarding family life is the importance of big families. It is about the love between siblings, aunts, and the elderly. "The nuclear family needs to interact with the wider family made up of parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and even neighbors" (AL. 187). The family must take care of the elderly. Pope Francis strongly invites the Church to pay attention to the life of the elderly as he writes, "how I would like a Church that challenges the throw-away culture by the overflowing joy of a new embrace between young and old!" (AL. 191).
As we can see in the reflection of Pope Francis on Family love, conjugal and procreation are inseparable in marriage and family. Love is always faithful, total, and fruitful. The self-giving love of couples and their openness to new life reveals the love of God to his people and the love of Christ to his Church. The love in the family always expands beyond the nuclear family. Indeed, as Pope Francis states it beautifully, "the joy of love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church."
3. ACCOMPANYING, DISCERNING, AND INTEGRATING WEAKNESS
A few years ago, in the Philippines, there was a video about a priest who berated an unwed woman who brought her child to be baptized in the Catholic Church. During the baptism, the priest strongly scolded the woman, "what you did was worldly. You allowed yourself to sleep with a man who isn't your husband? Have you no shame?" He also said: "Even if the child has not sinned, the man and woman who slept together without being married lives in sin. She may pass those consequences of her sin on to the child. You don't succumb to lust. Yes, a baby is a gift from God, but the baby was born in sin." [2]
Perhaps the case above is only one of many examples of how the Church has become an unkind judge in dealing with families or the faithful. We cannot imagine how that mother will bear such rude judgment. How can she experience God's mercy when the Church closes the doors for her? How can the people experience God's mercy and compassion when the Church closes the doors for them? How can the family experience in the Church a God who is a Father who always welcomes all his children?
How can we, the Church, accompany the families facing some crisis in their marriage and family lives? Pope Francis dedicate a special chapter on this process of accompanying, discerning, and integrating weakness.
3.1. THE IMPORTANCE OF PASTORAL DISCERNMENT
Pope Francis strongly invites us, priests, and bishops to be merciful and consider the complexity of the situations of marriage and family in doing our pastoral work with families. In the case of irregular situations, for instance, the Pope wants the Church to "avoid judgments which do not take into account the complexity of various situations and to be attentive by necessity, to how people experience distress because of their condition" (AL. 296). People should not be "pigeonholed or fit into overly rigid classifications leaving no room for personal and pastoral discernment" (AL. 298).
In addition, Pope Francis restated the message of the Bishop's Synod on Family, underlines that "the baptized who are divorced and civilly remarried need to be more fully integrated into Christian communities in the variety of ways possible, while avoiding any occasion of scandal" (AL. 299). What is important here is pastoral accompaniment, and thus discernment is needed.
Moreover, Pope Francis warned us to avoid the way of "Thinking that everything is black and white" (AL. 305). The Church is invited not to burden the lives of the people with moral laws that like "stones to throw at people's lives" (AL.305). Instead, the Holy Father strongly urge the Church pastors to treat couples or families in irregular situation with understanding, compassion, and accompaniment. For instance, as Pope states, "It can no longer simply be said that all those living in any 'irregular situation' are living in a state of mortal sin" (AL.301). Thus, the best way to do this is to listen and walk together with such a family. Through listening, we understand their struggle more and avoid judging harshly.
3.2. THE LOGIC OF PASTORAL MERCY
Against all the negative comments regarding the position of Pope Francis on the sacrament of marriage, the Holy Father states it clearly that "In order to avoid all misunderstanding I would point out that in no way must the Church desist from proposing the full ideal of marriage, God's plan in all its grandeur; young people who are baptized should be encouraged to understand that the sacrament of marriage can enrich their prospect of love and that they can be sustained by the grace of Christ in the sacrament and by the possibility of participating fully in the life of the Church" (AL.307). Thus, it is the task of the Church to "strengthen marriages and to prevent their breakdown" (AL. 307).
However, the ideal of marriage sometimes, in some situations, is difficult to be achieved. That is why "The Church's pastors, in proposing to the faithful the full ideal of the Gospel and the Church's teaching, must also help them to treat the weak with compassion, avoiding aggravation or unduly harsh or hasty judgments" (AL. 308). For Pope Francis, "the Church is commissioned to proclaim the mercy of God, the beating heart of the Gospel, which in its own way must penetrate the mind and heart of every person" (AL.309)
Pope Francis underlines the centrality of mercy simply because "mercy is the very foundation of the Church's life. All of her pastoral activity should be caught up in the tenderness which she shows to believers, nothing in her preaching and her witness to the world can be lacking in mercy" (AL. 310). Thus, in dealing with sensitive issues, the Church's approach must always be "in the context of pastoral discernment filled with merciful love, which is ready to understand, forgive, accompany, hope, and above all integrate" (AL.312).
The logic of pastoral mercy offered by Pope Francis reveals to us his genuine message on mercy. Indeed, the Church is called to extend God's mercy. Jesus himself said, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Lk. 6:36). This is an invitation for all Christians to extend God's compassion to others. As the body of Christ, "the Church is the sacrament of the continuing effective presence of Christ in the world. In other words, the Church is the sacrament of mercy." [3] In fact, in Evangelii Gaudium, Pope Francis wishes the Church to be like the house of the father of the prodigal son, with doors always wide open (EG 46-47). Pope Francis also reminds us that "the Church does not exist to condemn people but to bring about an encounter with the visceral love of God's mercy." [4]
4. PERSONAL REFLECTION
4.1. THE JOY OF LOVE
The Joy of Love experienced by the family is the joy of the Church. With these words, Pope Francis opened his ApostolicExhortations on marriage and family, Amoris Laetitia. Here one can sense the positive appreciation of Pope Francis regarding marriage and family. Whatever the families face today, one thing is sure that family is always home, love, and joy. Thus, through this document, Pope Francis invites the Church to strengthen the values of Christian families in her pastoral ministry.
Indeed, family is a home where we celebrate love, birthdays, anniversaries, or achievements in the family. It is also in the family where families strengthen each other in time of crisis. There is a saying in Filipino that goes, “Mabuti na sa akin ang bahay kahit kubo kung nakatira ay tao kaysa bahay na bato na ang nakatira naman ay kuwago.” (Better for me a lowly hut that is home to human beings than a proud stone castle that has only owls for its dwellers). [5]
All families desire to have joy in their journey. And Pope Francis offers us inspiration on building and strengthening the family love. It is not only romantic love. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (Cor. 13:4-7).
The joy of love is about self-giving love in conjugal love when couples accept each other as a gift. The joy of love is about love that is faithful. The joy of love is about families' openness to new life; offspring. The joy of love is about expanding love to an extended family. The joy of love is about a simple and yet profound gesture of saying, "Thank You, Sorry, Please." The joy of love is about spreading family love through active participation in the Body of Christ, the Church. The joy of love in the family is about making society a better place. In short, the joy of love is total, faithful, and fruitful.
4.2. PASTORAL DISCERNMENT
Another important point that touched me deeply after reading Amoris Laetitia is the importance of pastoral discernment. Pope Francis invites pastors to avoid harsh judgment. He underlines, "while clearly stating the Church's teaching, pastors are to avoid judgments that do not take into account the complexity of various situations, and they are to be attentive, by necessity, to how people experience and endure distress because of their condition." What is important here is to walk together, journeying together, and listen to the families.
Moreover, discernment is needed, especially when we face irregular family situations. Thus, as Pope Francis states, "It is a matter of reaching out to everyone, of needing to help each person find his or her proper way of participating in the ecclesial community, and thus to experience being touched by an 'unmerited, unconditional and gratuitous mercy." I think it is necessary for the pastors and parish priests to follow and accompany the families in irregular situations.
Personally, I met some couples who separated for many years and remarried civilly. I remembered a woman approached me and shared her situation. She separated from her husband for almost 15 years and remarried civilly. From this second marriage, she has two children. She approached me about whether she could receive communion. I suggested that she participate in the community-parish. And she is very genuine, serving as an usherette and integrated well into the community. She is very happy serving, but still, there is a longing within her heart to receive communion. I suggested that she attend the Mass in the neighboring parish and receive communion. Up to now, she has kept serving and integrating with the community.
I believe that many couples or families experience the same situations and never come to the Church anymore. Again, as Pope Francis said, it is about walking together and discerning together, and I think the pastor should integrate these families into the community. Pope Francis put it rightly "No family drops down from heaven perfectly formed; families need constantly to grow and mature in the ability to love … All of us are called to keep striving towards something greater than ourselves and our families, and every family must feel this constant impulse. Let us make this journey as families, let us keep walking together" (AL. 325).
4.3. THE CHURCH EXTENDS GOD'S MERCY
"The name of God is mercy." This is the title of Pope Francis' book. Reading this book, one can see how Pope Francis centers his pastoral ministry in God's mercy. The holy father emphasizing God's mercy, said, "The Lord never tires of forgiving: never! It is we who tire of asking him for forgiveness. We need to ask for the grace not to get rid of asking for forgiveness, because he never gets tire of forgiving." [6] Unfortunately, the Church put too much condition as Pope Francis put it rightly "At times we find it hard to make room for God's unconditional love in our pastoral activity. We put so many conditions on mercy that we empty it of its concrete meaning and real significance. That is the worst way of watering down the Gospel" (AL. 311).
Therefore, the Church is called to extend God's mercy, especially to the families that need understanding, accompaniment, and compassion because of their situations. This is also a call for all families, domestic Church, to extend God's mercy in family lives. Likewise, this is a call and my mission as a priest to put mercy as the center of my pastoral ministry among families. Indeed, each one of us is invited by Jesus, the face of God's mercy, to live out his message, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Lk. 6:36).
[1] "Pope Francis: Who am I to judge gay people?" Available at https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-23489702. Accessed On Nov. 30, 2021.
[2] "Cebu priest apologizes, seeks forgiveness of unwed mom" available at https://www.rappler.com/nation/cebu-priest-apology-unwed-mother. Accessed on Nov.23, 2021.
[3] Cardinal Walter Kasper, Mercy: The Essence of the Gospel and the Key to Christian Life, (Quezon City: Claretian Communications Foundation, Inc., 2015), 157.
[4] Pope Francis, The Name of God Is Mercy, trans. Oonagh Stransky, (New York: Random House, 2016), 52.
[5] Pablo V. David, "The House of the Word: The Church," In A Fiery Flame: Encountering God's Word, ed. By James H. Kroeger & Joseph D. Zaldivar, (Quezon City: Insta Publications, 2010), 35.
[6] The Name of God is Mercy, xi